


even if the world turns the other way

by scoups_ahoy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoups_ahoy/pseuds/scoups_ahoy
Summary: five times seungcheol was there for jeonghan, and one when jeonghan was there for him.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 119





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i know these "five times" things are so cliche and tropey but i love them all the same and lowkey always wanted to write one.
> 
> inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/1zerozero4/status/1276088785982365696)!
> 
> this entire fic will deal with things like anxiety and the pressures that the members definitely face as idols so it won't be all rainbows and butterflies, but i'll try my best to focus on the fluff! and it should go without saying but i don't know their personal lives lmao so i doubt any of this actually happened but who knows? (so don't @ me if i get stuff wrong, i tried my best lmao)
> 
> tw: non-explicit panic attack, mentions of vomiting

**one.**

Never in his life has a toilet ever looked more appealing.

Jeonghan’s stomach _churns_ but no matter how many times he gags or retches or leans over that white porcelain does he actually vomit. And it’s driving him insane. It’s, fuck, maybe like ten minutes before they start recording their debut showcase - their actual _debut_ holy shit - and Jeonghan can’t breathe. Feels like his stomach is trying to shove its way up his windpipe. Feels like his heart is going to burst, as cliché as that is. Chest tight, hands shaking violently -

He’s debuting in ten minutes and he feels like he’s going to die.

“Jeonghannie?”

Fuck. He’d know that voice anywhere, has listened to it instructing him daily over the last two years. Telling him stories well into the night when they should’ve been sleeping but were too wired or too exhausted. Singing in the shower, laughing with the other members. Taut and clipped when their managers or even President Han fight him on anything.

The last person he wants to see right now is Seungcheol. So he tries to communicate that, but with how tight his throat is all that comes out is a choked sound and if Seungcheol wasn’t already worried he is now.

Sure enough he’s knocking on the stall with gentle raps. “Jeonghannie, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he manages but unfortunately it sounds far from okay. So he just rests his head against the cool porcelain with a heavy sigh, trying not to think about the fact that he might smudge his makeup.

Really, who cares? He’s about to die, won’t even make it to debut so…

“Hannie,” Seungcheol tries again, and his voice is softer. It’s that sing-songy tone he uses when the members are sick or scared or hurt or tired, meant to comfort. Jeonghan’s heard it a lot too, probably more than any other tone of voice Seungcheol adopts. But right now it just makes him feel even worse - because Seungcheol’s here with him when he should be with the rest of the boys, who are all no doubt just as worried and scared as Jeonghan is. And they’re waiting on him, the clock is literally ticking -

He swallows against the lump in his throat, blinks back the tears that threaten. “Go away,” he croaks, even though it’s futile. Even though Seungcheol would never abandon him in his time of need, the jerk. “I’m staying in here.”

“Suit yourself, Hannie. But if you’re staying in here then I am too.”

“You’re bluffing,” he mutters.

But there’s a heavy _thud_ against the stall door and Jeonghan looks over to see Seungcheol sitting with his back against the door, ass on the floor - on an actual gross bathroom floor God he’s gonna stain his white pants - and he groans out loud.

“You’re so - “

“What?” Seungcheol asks quietly. “Stubborn? So are you, Hannie.”

Jeonghan makes a face at him even though he can’t see it but any irritation he feels is quickly squashed by anxiety. “How - how long until we go on?”

“Twelve minutes.”

He sighs once again and shifts on the floor (he’s gonna stain his own pants too) to face Seungcheol’s back. “I can’t do it,” he whispers.

But his voice carries through the empty bathroom. “Why do you think that?”

Why? He snorts a wry laugh, but it sounds closer to a sob. So he pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to ignore the aching in his body. “Come on, Seungcheol. Who am I kidding? I’m not - I’m not ready. I’m the one that took the longest to learn the choreo. I’m the only one who isn’t good enough to have his voice on the fucking title track. I don’t - I don’t even know why I’m here.” He clears his throat of the tears working their way up. “So I’m not going out there. I’m staying here.”

For a few moments Seungcheol is quiet and Jeonghan finds a spot on his white shirt to look at, concentrates on it to keep himself from crying.

He’s so focused that when Seungcheol speaks he almost jumps.

“I’ve been a trainee for six years, you know,” he murmurs.

Jeonghan sighs a bit. “I do know, which is why it makes no sense for you to be sitting in here with me when you’re about to debut - “

“I’m not debuting without you, Jeonghan.”

His voice is so firm, full of gentle conviction, that it makes Jeonghan want to cry. “Why?” he whispers.

“Why? Because you’re my best friend. We’ve been through so much together and I’m not doing this - any of it - without you.” He sighs heavily. “I’m not gonna go on and on about how amazing and talented you are, Hannie - which is true, by the way - because I know you won’t listen to it. So I’m just gonna sit here with you. And if you wanna leave and go out there, we can. Or if you wanna stay here, we’ll stay here. It’s up to you. But I’m not leaving you. Okay?”

Truly, he doesn’t deserve Choi Seungcheol. None of them do.

For what feels like hours, they sit in silence. Jeonghan closes his eyes and focuses on Seungcheol’s slow breaths, the way he just exudes confidence and strength. How even just his presence, quiet and unobtrusive, supportive and serene, makes him feel better. Makes it easier to breathe.

Inhaling a deep breath through his nose, Jeonghan stands up. His heart pounds a bit slower now, hands still shake but not as violently. His nerves still threaten his composure and courage, but he can at least walk out of here. Find somewhere more sophisticated to cry in than a _bathroom._ So he opens the stall door and the soft _click_ echoes through the stillness.

Within seconds Seungcheol’s up too, wearing that bright, gummy smile of his - the one Jeonghan adores. He looks like a kid right now, like the twenty-year-old he is, with his sunny eyes and bleached hair. God, he’s so _excited,_ it just rolls off him and mingles with the anxiety settled in Jeonghan’s body.

“Are you coming out, Hannie?” he asks quietly, reaching out to pat the bun atop his head.

Jeonghan blushes a bit, liking the way Seungcheol looks at him. Like he’s got all the faith in the world in him. Really, Choi Seungcheol could make anyone believe they can do whatever they want. And the best thing about it? He’d support them through every step. Just like he has with Jeonghan. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I am.”

“Good.” And with the same one that patted his hair, Seungcheol takes Jeonghan’s hand in his. Gives him a gentle squeeze that leaves both his heart and his stomach fluttering. “Let’s go debut.”


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it should go without saying but the events in this fic are fiction and created for dramatic purposes. aka, i doubt this actually happened!
> 
> hope you enjoy! <3

**two.**

Jeonghan steps into the Pledis building and stands there for a moment, breathing in the warmth. The early February chill has found its way into his bones and really he needs to warm up before he can walk any more. Plus… it gives him a moment to collect himself. To re(re re re re)hearse the script he wrote for himself a couple days ago, after the songwriting session he had with Jihoon. He knows it by heart now but honestly he’s a little worried his nerves might get the better of him. Especially since he’ll be meeting with their producers and directing team and everything completely by himself. Usually Seungcheol will insist on going whenever one of them has business at the company. But this time - well this time Jeonghan didn’t tell him he was going because he should do this by himself.

Or so he's been telling himself.

As safe as it makes him feel sometimes, relying on Seungcheol shouldn’t always be his go-to. Especially now that they’ve been debuted for almost two years. Talking to their PDs and staffs shouldn’t be this… nerve-wracking.

He takes a deep breath and starts to make his way through the building, greeting familiar faces. Tired staffs, nervous, buzzing trainees. Everyone gets the same charming smile and bow from the angel known as Yoon Jeonghan (if he’s being honest, he’s starting to get used to the nickname even if it  _ is _ a bit cringey) and it’s easy for him to hide his nerves. He just stuffs his hands in his pockets and pretends like nothing’s wrong. But truth be told he’s incredibly nervous. He has no idea how their team might react to this and without Seungcheol at his side -

No. Jeonghan shakes his head. He can do this. He’s capable.

But by the time he actually sits down with their producing team his stomach is all knots. He feels so young and inexperienced up against these severe, sharp-looking men and women in suits. If Seungcheol were here he knows he wouldn’t be so scared. Not since Seungcheol spent almost the entirety of 2015 with their contract somewhere around his bedside and had it memorized by their debut.

But Jeonghan? Jeonghan just kind of took that for granted. Just kind of let Seungcheol do all that and now that he’s here alone (of his own volition but still), he’s  _ nervous. _ So he takes another deep breath and tries to channel the clarity and sophistication Seungcheol always brings to these things.

“So um,” he begins (which is a great first try, way to go Jeonghan), "I'm here because I wanted to - well, since promotions for 'BoomBoom' have been over for a while, I was in the studio with Jihoonie and I…”

He trails off, already hating the words coming out of his mouth.

_ They’re gonna say no they’re gonna say no - _

“I um… well… I want to contribute some lyrics to the - the new album.”

His voice is barely a whisper when he finally gets it out but in the silence of the room, he knows he’s heard.

Mostly because each member of their directing team coughs in some way, barely even hiding the amused curls of their lips.

Jeonghan’s entire being seems to just  _ sink, _ and he regrets not asking Seungcheol to come with him.

“Jeonghan,” someone says, but it sounds underwater and he can’t look any of them in the eye so he has no idea who actually says it. But it makes him want to curl up in a ball right here, on this chair. “No offense, but you’re… not a lyricist.”

“I know,” he murmurs.

“Jihoon and Beomju are more than capable of composing material.”

“I  _ know,” _ and now he’s whispering, can barely hear himself over the rushing in his ears. “But you - you’ve let the others write songs too. Seungkwan, Dokyeom, Channie, Soonyoung - “

“Come on, Jeonghan,” and with that he’s transported back about two years ago when he asked why they’d taken his voice off of “Adore U”. The way they all looked at him like it should’ve been obvious, Jihoon and Seungkwan shifting awkwardly like they were to blame when Jeonghan held no ill will towards them, because holding them responsible would've been cruel.

No, the same people that dubbed his voice with Seungkwan’s on their debut track sit in front of him now, all but telling him he isn’t good enough to write lyrics.

He wishes they would actually say it; he’s never been good with passive-aggressive people. So he just sits quietly and  _ waits. _ Mind thrumming with anxiety, hands shaking so bad he has to fold them in his lap, he waits.

Finally someone speaks, but Jeonghan can’t bring himself to look at them still.

“You’re not a lyricist,” they say again and Jeonghan knows what they won’t say.

_ You’re just here to be pretty. That’s it. _

The same thing they hinted at two years ago.

Wounded, tears forming behind his eyes, he forces himself to stand up on shaking legs. Forces himself to smile. Forces himself to bow.

Leaving the room couldn’t be any easier.

He doesn’t cry until he’s at the dorms. It’s a rare day off for most of them (unfortunately, as far as Jeonghan knows, Jihoon and some of the other boys have holed themselves up in his studio again. They  _ are _ working on a comeback after all.) which means that everyone is either sleeping or away.

And Jeonghan can cry.

He sobs into his pillow as quietly as he can - just in case - but the tears still fall, and he still feels that annoyingly depressing hollowness inside him. He feels it every time he cries like this, a creeping hopelessness that wears at his already frayed nerves until his cheeks are dry and he’s just curled in on himself.

Really, he feels pathetic. He should’ve seen this coming, should’ve known the company would just invalidate him like that. They always do, unless doing otherwise suits their purposes. But damn, he’d really been hoping. Really wanted to contribute the way the others seem to. Jihoon writes just about everything they do. Seungcheol, Hansol, Mingyu, Wonwoo do too. Soonyoung choreographs. Really, so do Chan and Minghao and Jun. Dokyeom is hilarious in that viral kind of way, Seungkwan’s practically the face of the group, Joshua translates and takes the lead when they’re in the west.

What does Jeonghan do? He sings… sort of.

He’s everyone’s pretty hyung. And that’s it.

Muted, off in the distance, he hears the front door open and close. Voices mingle over footsteps, gradually growing softer as they go their separate ways. Jeonghan recognizes Seungcheol and silently begs him not to come into their room, please just leave him alone -

But of course, he doesn’t get what he wants.

The door to their room opens and Seungcheol immediately shuts up, the moment he sees Jeonghan. He must be a sad sight, sniffling, curled up on his bed. But Seungcheol doesn’t say anything, the way he’s learned to.

Jeonghan’s grateful.

He focuses on the rustle of fabric as Seungcheol no doubt takes off his coat, maybe changes into something more comfortable. Then Jeonghan’s mattress dips as Seungcheol sits down; a hand finds its way into his hair and Jeonghan can’t help but snuggle close to it. Can’t help but move towards the warmth and comfort that is Choi Seungcheol. Even if he doesn’t feel like speaking right now.

“Jihoon and I went over the lyrics for the title track today,” Seungcheol says softly, fingers running through his hair. “I really liked what you wrote, Jeonghannie, and I told Jihoon I wanted to put it in my part.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jeonghan mumbles, even though the pride in his heart at Seungcheol liking his lyrics tries to overshadow the meeting he had. “The PDs and directors don’t think there’s any room for me as a lyricist so…”

“How do you know that?”

He sighs heavily and sits up, scooting so that his back rests against the wall. Seungcheol follows. “Because I had a meeting with them this morning. And they basically said so.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“I thought I could… do this by myself.”

It’s Seungcheol’s turn to sigh and he wraps an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder, brings him close so that Jeonghan can nuzzle into him. It shouldn't be fair that Seungcheol makes him feel so warm and fuzzy inside, but… somehow it is. Somehow Seungcheol makes it seem like Jeonghan deserves the unconditional love he has in his heart. “You know I never mind coming with you to meetings. In fact, I  _ want _ to be there.”

“I know that,” he mutters into Seungcheol’s shirt, a soft sweater his mom bought him for Christmas. It’s the perfect embodiment of Seungcheol: warm, gentle, a bit on the fluffy side. Jeonghan loves it. “But I just… I don’t need you fighting my battles for me, Cheol.”

“I want to, though. That’s why I’m leader.”

Jeonghan lets out a heavy breath and finally looks up at Seungcheol. He’s greeted with big, brown eyes that make him want to melt. “You… you really liked what I wrote?”

“Of course I did,” he says, and the sincerity in his voice is palpable. “And I’ll tell our team tomorrow to let you write more. Especially if it’s something you want to do.”

He smiles and shifts so that he can bury his face in Seungcheol’s sweater again. As he inhales, he gets a whiff of Seungcheol’s cologne. Just like everything else about him, it’s warm and comforting and Jeonghan doesn’t know what he or the other boys would do without him. “You’re too good to me, to all of us.”

“I just make sure you’re being treated the way you all deserve.” Once more, he slides his fingers into Jeonghan’s hair. “Now why don’t you come out and eat something? You’ll feel a lot better.”

“In a bit,” he murmurs. “Let’s just stay like this for a few minutes, okay?”

Seungcheol laughs softly but doesn’t fight him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked this first one! the next chapters will be coming soon!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/scoups__ahoy) | [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/scoups__ahoy) | [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/serenawrites)!


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